I am holding in there. Saw Josh on Monday and got to tell him all about the hearing. Which was more hard on me then him. Asked him what he was feeling about it. He said He was sad because he couldnt come home and couldnt stay where he is. And worried that he will never see me again. He says he wants to come home. I know I broke the rules and asked him but really dont give a flying damn, I needed to know and he gave me the answer, so I already knew that and wouldnt change track if he would of said something different. MY kid and he will be in MY home.
Have new picture of him but stupid phone would let me email them from it to myself, getting new one Monday or Tuesday!!! Still Rumor just hopefully better
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
So far
Everyone is keeping me busy. Friday my dearest friend Sela decided we needed a girls night out so we went out drinking. I was pretty gone, hey havent really drank that much since before I got preg. w Hunter, so give me a break. I had a sex on the beach and 4 sex in the suns(yes different drink, sex in the sun is alot better) I broke down one time during bout 4 1\2 hours.
Friday LeAnn decided I need a beauty care day. Eye brow waxing and predicures. Could do eye brows stinking whatever on eye lid but predicure was awesome. I got pretty blue(well duh on color) toes and LeAnn got pinkish purple color that is really pretty. Shelby got a toes and fingers done BLUE she is deinalty my neice. Coral didnt want one toward the end.
Then JT and Becki wanted dto make sure I was okay so got to spend rest of the day with Oni!!! That helped the most out of all of it. She stayed by myside. WHere she went i was dragged along w her. I was awesome. Not the same as having Josh but it helped.
Today going to stay home get some stuff done at some point.
Friday LeAnn decided I need a beauty care day. Eye brow waxing and predicures. Could do eye brows stinking whatever on eye lid but predicure was awesome. I got pretty blue(well duh on color) toes and LeAnn got pinkish purple color that is really pretty. Shelby got a toes and fingers done BLUE she is deinalty my neice. Coral didnt want one toward the end.
Then JT and Becki wanted dto make sure I was okay so got to spend rest of the day with Oni!!! That helped the most out of all of it. She stayed by myside. WHere she went i was dragged along w her. I was awesome. Not the same as having Josh but it helped.
Today going to stay home get some stuff done at some point.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Pictures of Taylor
These pictures remind me of Hunter in his First Hair Cut Blog.
They are definatley cousins.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Day 3 final day
Day 3. Day been avoiding for like ever now.
First up was another caseworker. A.M. She wasnt that much help on either end.
S.M. She was more help then thinks they were, even tho she didnt want to do it. She told the truth and stated what she knew not putting in what she heard from others. No matter what S.M., you will always be my friend and happy to call u that. Love ya.
L.H. she too told it how it is and didnt add more then needs. She was more help then she knows. She was nervous, she was barking her answers out. Quite funny if u ask me.
Got a long lunch had to wait for Dip shits attorney to get done w what ever she was doing.
After Lunch Dip shit added some evidence which was OMG stupid. Picture from whne Josh was 1-3 years old. Hello what evidence is that ppl.
Closing agreements.
30 min break for judge to decide my fate. Worse 30 min of my live. S.M. took me outside and found a cig for me, boy I need it.
After break; judge terminates both parental rights. My heart is broken no way at moment to repair. Cant believe I have no rights to my boy, my sonshine. I hate life at moment (not in bad way, no thought of bad stuff to my self, promise u all)
Thank s for all the prayers and thought thu this.
And thanks to my family and friends for sticking by my side and hanging in there for me!! I LOVE u all!!
And most importnataly I LOVE YOU jOSHUA BRADLEY ENGLE, INFINATY AND BEYOND!!! ALWAY AND FOREVER BABY!!
First up was another caseworker. A.M. She wasnt that much help on either end.
S.M. She was more help then thinks they were, even tho she didnt want to do it. She told the truth and stated what she knew not putting in what she heard from others. No matter what S.M., you will always be my friend and happy to call u that. Love ya.
L.H. she too told it how it is and didnt add more then needs. She was more help then she knows. She was nervous, she was barking her answers out. Quite funny if u ask me.
Got a long lunch had to wait for Dip shits attorney to get done w what ever she was doing.
After Lunch Dip shit added some evidence which was OMG stupid. Picture from whne Josh was 1-3 years old. Hello what evidence is that ppl.
Closing agreements.
30 min break for judge to decide my fate. Worse 30 min of my live. S.M. took me outside and found a cig for me, boy I need it.
After break; judge terminates both parental rights. My heart is broken no way at moment to repair. Cant believe I have no rights to my boy, my sonshine. I hate life at moment (not in bad way, no thought of bad stuff to my self, promise u all)
Thank s for all the prayers and thought thu this.
And thanks to my family and friends for sticking by my side and hanging in there for me!! I LOVE u all!!
And most importnataly I LOVE YOU jOSHUA BRADLEY ENGLE, INFINATY AND BEYOND!!! ALWAY AND FOREVER BABY!!
day late but will tell about court day 2
Day 2
First caseworker talked. It was a good testimony. She said there were compaints in Oct 05 from someone(I am not saying names) but dont hold nothing against that person love person to death weather they know it or not. That she didnt think there was reason to take him out of my care.
The officer that responded to me calling the cops the night Josh was taken. He had "forgot" alot that wasnt in hios report. He said they wasnt any hitting even tho later testimony say there was(See day 3).
Dr G who did all the pshyic eval. All 3 of mine say PTSD(post termatric stress disorder) duh after I been tho. But he says I dont have it under control. I was sitting in same room w the guy who abused me for how many days? Which my attornet pointed out to him and he was shocked that I was not a pile of mush on the floor. YAY me!! HE said Josh was ADHD which I already knew but no one would listen to me.
My councelor. Said I had improved and could benifit from more service but when no money (outside of bills and life) and no insurance cant afford.
Marrina(mom). All good.
Once again me.
Katie-current caseworker. She was so close to tears it was funny. When asked about my scores for family skill builders she lied, whole court knew it.
Gail-Josh's currant foster mom. Said how Josh is doing so far. She has talked to him about adoption. He said it was when u stay at someone house for 2 wks. So she explained it in other term. Adopting a dog from the humane society and explain the whole process. Asked if he knew what that meanshe replied "I am a dog" (only MY son) all the court room was laughing.
End of day one..
First caseworker talked. It was a good testimony. She said there were compaints in Oct 05 from someone(I am not saying names) but dont hold nothing against that person love person to death weather they know it or not. That she didnt think there was reason to take him out of my care.
The officer that responded to me calling the cops the night Josh was taken. He had "forgot" alot that wasnt in hios report. He said they wasnt any hitting even tho later testimony say there was(See day 3).
Dr G who did all the pshyic eval. All 3 of mine say PTSD(post termatric stress disorder) duh after I been tho. But he says I dont have it under control. I was sitting in same room w the guy who abused me for how many days? Which my attornet pointed out to him and he was shocked that I was not a pile of mush on the floor. YAY me!! HE said Josh was ADHD which I already knew but no one would listen to me.
My councelor. Said I had improved and could benifit from more service but when no money (outside of bills and life) and no insurance cant afford.
Marrina(mom). All good.
Once again me.
Katie-current caseworker. She was so close to tears it was funny. When asked about my scores for family skill builders she lied, whole court knew it.
Gail-Josh's currant foster mom. Said how Josh is doing so far. She has talked to him about adoption. He said it was when u stay at someone house for 2 wks. So she explained it in other term. Adopting a dog from the humane society and explain the whole process. Asked if he knew what that meanshe replied "I am a dog" (only MY son) all the court room was laughing.
End of day one..
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Court Day 1
Didnt go bad, I am here blogging instead of freaking out all over everyone. Or drinking or drugs(P.T.S.D. thing) Started of with me as states first witness :( Not to bad, beside Thomas is right there in the jury box, not to far from me. I remained claim the whole time!! YAY me.
Then a physiologist for state that some hows determines if parental rights should go away testified. Found out that his old placement was with holding food from him if he was bad. And those are the ppl that say I am a bad parent?? Look whos talkin?
Then lunch time. After Lunch Josh's counselor. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Both of my family skill builders testified. One made me look bad but not my fault Onicia grandparents didnt want them coming over to their house right? (Everyone was out to get him) Tina had nothing but good stuff to say about me. :))My attorney asked if on one side of the scale is parents extra smart kids who r awesome parent and do everything right and the other side of the scale are horrible parent w stinky parent and kids not fed, where to I fit in as a parent. She said I was 50-50!!! Then was the guy Keith from House of Ruth. Still not to bad. first case worker was called and found out some stuff I didnt know but all still looked good!! Like the fact of who turned me in first was right on family but not the who. And then she said I didnt do services bull honky, did them passed them and then the state wanted more.
One thing that worried me was that Josh expressed to the first guy that he was worried about me. Get this, that I am going to have another baby. 7 years old. Could take it as he think I am going to replace him(yea right not in million years) or know a nother one will kill me.
Will try and post after court tomorrow. If anyone want updates, text me or leave a message and will let u know at least.
Then a physiologist for state that some hows determines if parental rights should go away testified. Found out that his old placement was with holding food from him if he was bad. And those are the ppl that say I am a bad parent?? Look whos talkin?
Then lunch time. After Lunch Josh's counselor. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Both of my family skill builders testified. One made me look bad but not my fault Onicia grandparents didnt want them coming over to their house right? (Everyone was out to get him) Tina had nothing but good stuff to say about me. :))My attorney asked if on one side of the scale is parents extra smart kids who r awesome parent and do everything right and the other side of the scale are horrible parent w stinky parent and kids not fed, where to I fit in as a parent. She said I was 50-50!!! Then was the guy Keith from House of Ruth. Still not to bad. first case worker was called and found out some stuff I didnt know but all still looked good!! Like the fact of who turned me in first was right on family but not the who. And then she said I didnt do services bull honky, did them passed them and then the state wanted more.
One thing that worried me was that Josh expressed to the first guy that he was worried about me. Get this, that I am going to have another baby. 7 years old. Could take it as he think I am going to replace him(yea right not in million years) or know a nother one will kill me.
Will try and post after court tomorrow. If anyone want updates, text me or leave a message and will let u know at least.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Valentines Day
Hope everyone had a good Valentines Day!! I did mine on Wednesday night with the guy I am interested . As for valentines day , I had Oni all day!! Went to Grasham W Jenn , Oni is breaking Molers thu so Jen got her a push up and I couldnt help but get a picture of her when she was done.
She is such a goof(gets it from Daddy not me)
Mike made all us breakfest that morning(mom, Jenn and and I). He got all of us boxes of chocolate! Jenn got me a bag of chocolates which Oni gladly helped me eat. I didnt get anyone anything really, wanted to put stinking bank.
Rest of the day we played at home. Ok she mainly played w her favorite doll.
Her w her baby.
Will get more of Josh hopefully Friday at his homecoming!!
She is such a goof(gets it from Daddy not me)Mike made all us breakfest that morning(mom, Jenn and and I). He got all of us boxes of chocolate! Jenn got me a bag of chocolates which Oni gladly helped me eat. I didnt get anyone anything really, wanted to put stinking bank.
Rest of the day we played at home. Ok she mainly played w her favorite doll.
Her w her baby.Will get more of Josh hopefully Friday at his homecoming!!
Friday, February 13, 2009
long blog,sorry
I know I haven't been that good at keeping up on this.
Last I posted was after got back from Utah seeing Sam, Tara and Hunter. So Start at Christmas. Had Oni Christmas ev, best present ever. Was suppose to get Josh but stupid Katie waited to last minute to ask Gail about it. I hate her. Got Oni a Matilida doll that eats, drinks from a bottle and play games w her, she absolutely loves it, her main batteries were died by end of night!! Tell ya anything? She got a McDonalds food, a Dora the Explora coat that talks(sent it home w her, hehe). Tons of other stuff.
Christmas spent half at home with mom, Mike , Jenn, LeAnn, Neil, Taylor, Coral, Shelby, Papa, grandpa Lee and Nana.And Jamie and James by web cam. Did our santa gift(we drew names on Thanksgiving) I got LeAnn so while in Utah I found a Horse game she had beaten over and over again on the DS for the Wii and got that for her. Nana got my name and got me a couple crafty things to do. Mom and Mike got all us girl a t-shirt from the Tri-Sabrian Orch concert they went ot back in Nov, I wanted to go but was still recoverying from sugrary so couldnt. They also got me a teddy bear with a scraf that has my name on it w choc. in the little box it was holding.
About 2 went over to Tiffany's In-laws place for round 2. This was the first and maybe last christmas Tiffany and I have spent together since our mom went to prison. :( Hung out over here had round 2 of dinner and watched movies and Noe play!
Saw Josh on Monday and gave hin his presents since we had snow for weeks before that. His big gift was a Star Wars board game which as soon as he finish opening everything else he wanted to play and won. He got star wasr figuines, and spiderman, and loads of other stuff.
Didnt do much for New Years. Stayed home and rang it in w LeAnn and crew thu web cam. was going to go to the Cooler w friends but dont really like that place.
Jan 7 Client laid me off cause she wanted my pay check and I refused so she fired me. Still waiting for new client:(( Totally crap since cant get unemployment only worked for 2 months for her.
Now to present, State is trying to terminate my rights to Josh, can you believe that? I have done every fu*****g thing they asked me to do and more. Starting the 18 trial begins. To top it off Tom will be there in person. This is going to flipping suck, he shouldnt be there yet alone have anything to do with this case after what he did to me and Josh, hell no. Need all the prayers and thoughts. Wednesday at 9 am will be at courthouse. Have few people coming to support me. Will update when know, hopefully w good news!!! I pray to god w good news. Donst know what I would do if it isnt. Jt could flip it around and not let me see Oni and then there goes my world. 2 adoptions and riped away from me and Oni riped away(not that I regret adopting Hunter out never will) just point is that only so much I can handle here. I am only human after all.
Last I posted was after got back from Utah seeing Sam, Tara and Hunter. So Start at Christmas. Had Oni Christmas ev, best present ever. Was suppose to get Josh but stupid Katie waited to last minute to ask Gail about it. I hate her. Got Oni a Matilida doll that eats, drinks from a bottle and play games w her, she absolutely loves it, her main batteries were died by end of night!! Tell ya anything? She got a McDonalds food, a Dora the Explora coat that talks(sent it home w her, hehe). Tons of other stuff.
Christmas spent half at home with mom, Mike , Jenn, LeAnn, Neil, Taylor, Coral, Shelby, Papa, grandpa Lee and Nana.And Jamie and James by web cam. Did our santa gift(we drew names on Thanksgiving) I got LeAnn so while in Utah I found a Horse game she had beaten over and over again on the DS for the Wii and got that for her. Nana got my name and got me a couple crafty things to do. Mom and Mike got all us girl a t-shirt from the Tri-Sabrian Orch concert they went ot back in Nov, I wanted to go but was still recoverying from sugrary so couldnt. They also got me a teddy bear with a scraf that has my name on it w choc. in the little box it was holding.
About 2 went over to Tiffany's In-laws place for round 2. This was the first and maybe last christmas Tiffany and I have spent together since our mom went to prison. :( Hung out over here had round 2 of dinner and watched movies and Noe play!
Saw Josh on Monday and gave hin his presents since we had snow for weeks before that. His big gift was a Star Wars board game which as soon as he finish opening everything else he wanted to play and won. He got star wasr figuines, and spiderman, and loads of other stuff.
Didnt do much for New Years. Stayed home and rang it in w LeAnn and crew thu web cam. was going to go to the Cooler w friends but dont really like that place.
Jan 7 Client laid me off cause she wanted my pay check and I refused so she fired me. Still waiting for new client:(( Totally crap since cant get unemployment only worked for 2 months for her.
Now to present, State is trying to terminate my rights to Josh, can you believe that? I have done every fu*****g thing they asked me to do and more. Starting the 18 trial begins. To top it off Tom will be there in person. This is going to flipping suck, he shouldnt be there yet alone have anything to do with this case after what he did to me and Josh, hell no. Need all the prayers and thoughts. Wednesday at 9 am will be at courthouse. Have few people coming to support me. Will update when know, hopefully w good news!!! I pray to god w good news. Donst know what I would do if it isnt. Jt could flip it around and not let me see Oni and then there goes my world. 2 adoptions and riped away from me and Oni riped away(not that I regret adopting Hunter out never will) just point is that only so much I can handle here. I am only human after all.
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